.....Then chances are, "It isn't Halloween honey; and he is a stripper!" And that is exactly what my uncle said when I told him what I am about to tell you......
Okay, so lets face it.....I can be naive. Not the kind of naive where I actually believe "he" wants to unbutton your blouse to get a better view of your heart, that's just silly, but the kind that highlights the fact that I do like to believe the good in people and take what they say as the truth. Well yadda yadda ya know, in this case it was all lies. "No whammies no whammies no whammies..STOP." And go figure, I still got a big whammy!
Before the one and only wonderful JC came into my life, Little Red Riding Hood had a Big Bad Wolf in her fairytale. So let's make this quick because it is so damn embarrassing. I was reunited with a "guy friend" from many years ago, thanks to Facebook. We were in the beginning stages of becoming re-acquainted; we had about ten years worth of catching up to do and he wanted to send pictures of himself (harmless enough right?) and of course I was curious, if nothing else, to see what he looked like. Soooo, when I hit the INBOX in my gmail, WOW, if only you could have seen my face. He sent me...ready for this...not one, but two (as if one picture wasn't enough) rather interesting pictures of himself (and I am not kidding about this next part, oh I can't believe I am even going to share this) in a GOLD SPARKLED man thong (those things should be illegal by the way unless ..well there is no unless..especially the ones with the elephant trunk; and DON'T act like you do not know what I am talking about)! But it gets better. Picture this, and if you already haven't thrown up in your mouth a little, his gold sparkled thong was accompanied by a choker. I mean - 1.) what goes through your head picking out that outfit, and 2.) is that actually your lead in to a gal you haven't seen for 10 years? Is he thinking somehow that "Oh, this choker will go with my Bedazzle sparkle man thong!" Good luck buddy! The last and only time I saw an outfit like that was in "Priscilla Queen of the Desert."
He never actually mentioned that he was a stripper, but outside of the mini champagne grape smuggler there were a few other clues as I recall. He has shaved down so that he has less hair than Mr Bigglesworth in "Austin Powers," and he would prance around presumably "practicing" with a fake badge and saying outlandish things like "Freeze! You are under arrest!". On second thought perhaps I SHOULD have seen the signs, I was always wondering why he would pelvic thrust at random objects, like chairs, when he was walking around in his room. I always just thought he was trying to stretch his legs to get some fresh air down there. Silly me!
It certainly was not Halloween.
Okay, so lets face it.....I can be naive. Not the kind of naive where I actually believe "he" wants to unbutton your blouse to get a better view of your heart, that's just silly, but the kind that highlights the fact that I do like to believe the good in people and take what they say as the truth. Well yadda yadda ya know, in this case it was all lies. "No whammies no whammies no whammies..STOP." And go figure, I still got a big whammy!
Before the one and only wonderful JC came into my life, Little Red Riding Hood had a Big Bad Wolf in her fairytale. So let's make this quick because it is so damn embarrassing. I was reunited with a "guy friend" from many years ago, thanks to Facebook. We were in the beginning stages of becoming re-acquainted; we had about ten years worth of catching up to do and he wanted to send pictures of himself (harmless enough right?) and of course I was curious, if nothing else, to see what he looked like. Soooo, when I hit the INBOX in my gmail, WOW, if only you could have seen my face. He sent me...ready for this...not one, but two (as if one picture wasn't enough) rather interesting pictures of himself (and I am not kidding about this next part, oh I can't believe I am even going to share this) in a GOLD SPARKLED man thong (those things should be illegal by the way unless ..well there is no unless..especially the ones with the elephant trunk; and DON'T act like you do not know what I am talking about)! But it gets better. Picture this, and if you already haven't thrown up in your mouth a little, his gold sparkled thong was accompanied by a choker. I mean - 1.) what goes through your head picking out that outfit, and 2.) is that actually your lead in to a gal you haven't seen for 10 years? Is he thinking somehow that "Oh, this choker will go with my Bedazzle sparkle man thong!" Good luck buddy! The last and only time I saw an outfit like that was in "Priscilla Queen of the Desert."
He never actually mentioned that he was a stripper, but outside of the mini champagne grape smuggler there were a few other clues as I recall. He has shaved down so that he has less hair than Mr Bigglesworth in "Austin Powers," and he would prance around presumably "practicing" with a fake badge and saying outlandish things like "Freeze! You are under arrest!". On second thought perhaps I SHOULD have seen the signs, I was always wondering why he would pelvic thrust at random objects, like chairs, when he was walking around in his room. I always just thought he was trying to stretch his legs to get some fresh air down there. Silly me!
It certainly was not Halloween.
OK, that is got to be so funny. The part of this story you have not mentioned due to embarassment is that you frequented his place of business often. Maybe, even one of his most devoted customers. LOL
ReplyDelete