WHAT? Damn it!
Oh do I have a traumatizing story for you, this actually just happened to me. As embarrassing as this story is, I must share it because only this could happen to me. It involves ass, no not that kind, but boy do I wish it were.
So lately, Miss Fiddlesticks hasn't been feeling well. I don't know why but I just can't seem to get healthy. About 3 weeks ago, (definitely over sharing but we are all friends here) I saw blood after going the bathroom. I was alarmed but ignored it simply because I was afraid and did not want to deal with it. Cut to a week after that, I saw blood again but this time there was a lot. I couldn't ignore it and decided it was best to go to the ER. Now here comes the fun part! So here I am sitting on a rolling cot bed in the ER with my UGG boots on, leggings ( you know you love em' JC), and I can't remember the top but I am sure it was glamorous! Across from me is a middle aged man in one of those cotton "nighties", and he was rolling around in the bed so much that I saw a Penis Puppet Show for free. Oh yes, my friend, that IS NOT even the best part of my experience there.
I must have done something in my past life in order to have Karma come back around this harshly. After getting my blood work, I had the nurse practitioner (young MALE) approach me with some horrible news -secretly I know this made his day. "Okay, Miss F, while we are waiting for your blood work to return we have to make sure that there is actual blood." Seems harmless right? WRONG!! ABORT RUN AWAY MARTHE`. "Miss F (as he grins), in order to do so I am going to have to stick this (as he bends and winks his index finger at me) up your bum to check for blood." Usually, I get a free dinner and drinks before these kinda things happen. Thank goodness he had small fingers, he had to have been Irish (sorry boys!).
BUT (No pun intended) there is MORE!
So Doogie Howser comes back with the results that there was in fact blood. G-r-reat, now what? "I am going to have the MD come in and he will stick a metal rod up your bum to make sure nothing serious is happening." SERIOUS IS HAPPENING?? What in the hell??! He makes it sound like the Keebler Elves are up my ass making rainbow chocolate chip cookies! Will I at least get popcorn and a movie while this happens?
I'm OK in the end, but a really "uncomfortable scare" :)......
Meanwhile, in other related news.....
Oh do I have a traumatizing story for you, this actually just happened to me. As embarrassing as this story is, I must share it because only this could happen to me. It involves ass, no not that kind, but boy do I wish it were.
So lately, Miss Fiddlesticks hasn't been feeling well. I don't know why but I just can't seem to get healthy. About 3 weeks ago, (definitely over sharing but we are all friends here) I saw blood after going the bathroom. I was alarmed but ignored it simply because I was afraid and did not want to deal with it. Cut to a week after that, I saw blood again but this time there was a lot. I couldn't ignore it and decided it was best to go to the ER. Now here comes the fun part! So here I am sitting on a rolling cot bed in the ER with my UGG boots on, leggings ( you know you love em' JC), and I can't remember the top but I am sure it was glamorous! Across from me is a middle aged man in one of those cotton "nighties", and he was rolling around in the bed so much that I saw a Penis Puppet Show for free. Oh yes, my friend, that IS NOT even the best part of my experience there.
I must have done something in my past life in order to have Karma come back around this harshly. After getting my blood work, I had the nurse practitioner (young MALE) approach me with some horrible news -secretly I know this made his day. "Okay, Miss F, while we are waiting for your blood work to return we have to make sure that there is actual blood." Seems harmless right? WRONG!! ABORT RUN AWAY MARTHE`. "Miss F (as he grins), in order to do so I am going to have to stick this (as he bends and winks his index finger at me) up your bum to check for blood." Usually, I get a free dinner and drinks before these kinda things happen. Thank goodness he had small fingers, he had to have been Irish (sorry boys!).
BUT (No pun intended) there is MORE!
So Doogie Howser comes back with the results that there was in fact blood. G-r-reat, now what? "I am going to have the MD come in and he will stick a metal rod up your bum to make sure nothing serious is happening." SERIOUS IS HAPPENING?? What in the hell??! He makes it sound like the Keebler Elves are up my ass making rainbow chocolate chip cookies! Will I at least get popcorn and a movie while this happens?
I'm OK in the end, but a really "uncomfortable scare" :)......
Meanwhile, in other related news.....
so what happened with your hemorrhoids?
ReplyDeleteLOL! You are funny
ReplyDelete