Today, I feel defeated.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Adios Barbie
http://www.colby-sawyer.edu/currents/news/EatingsDisordersCapstone.htmlUh Oh, OK well I'm going to have to get serious for a moment...I know, I know but it won't take long. That is a picture of me when I was in high school and battling my eating disorder - I weighed around 90 pounds (which wasn't the lowest weight I reached). Looking back at that picture, it's quite scary knowing that back then I thought I actually had weight TO lose. I have been doing a great deal of reflecting, and this has led to my efforts to research various volunteer opportunities with young girls. During my search I was surprised and dismayed to learn that eating disorders are continually increasing and have been documented in cases where girls are as young as 10. Our girls are not okay.
I originally started a blog over a year ago hoping to reach out to women in their teens as well as adult women still struggling with this issue. I named my blog, "Pretending to be Beautiful," because that is what so many of us do. It has taken me a long time to get to a happy place of self acceptance; and in so doing discovering one of life's little secrets (that being comfortable with who you are is a gift you can give to yourself and that in life joy can be found in so many things, things that are lost in an endless pursuit of control and perfection when it comes to your body and your looks).
Reaching 82 pounds and being the skinniest girl in my class I thought would make me so happy. It didn't; I was too busy crying over my hair falling out in clumps and it got to the point where I was afraid to take showers because of all of it slipping down the drain. In my experience I found myself crying over losing my friends because they didn't understand what I was going through, and crying over being too weak and having to take a naps right after each school day. I was simply JUST BUSY CRYING.
Many roads may lead us down the wrong path, and I have sympathy for all (and empathy for a few) but however we get back on track, and whomever we ask for help, what was important for me and what I want to impart to you is to look past our traditional ideas of beauty, of "cool", of controlling our bodies (if we can control nothing else) and to instead look to find the meaning of life and one's happiness in it, as it is our right to do. For me, happiness lies in love, laughter, family, friends, giving back, GOTCHA jokes and many glorious shampoos for ALL MY HAIR :)!
I intend to dedicate a significant part of my life (in whatever way I can) helping women find their way back to happier roads, and however one gets there, the moral of my story is that YOU CAN, YOU CAN overcome anything!
I originally started a blog over a year ago hoping to reach out to women in their teens as well as adult women still struggling with this issue. I named my blog, "Pretending to be Beautiful," because that is what so many of us do. It has taken me a long time to get to a happy place of self acceptance; and in so doing discovering one of life's little secrets (that being comfortable with who you are is a gift you can give to yourself and that in life joy can be found in so many things, things that are lost in an endless pursuit of control and perfection when it comes to your body and your looks).
Reaching 82 pounds and being the skinniest girl in my class I thought would make me so happy. It didn't; I was too busy crying over my hair falling out in clumps and it got to the point where I was afraid to take showers because of all of it slipping down the drain. In my experience I found myself crying over losing my friends because they didn't understand what I was going through, and crying over being too weak and having to take a naps right after each school day. I was simply JUST BUSY CRYING.
Many roads may lead us down the wrong path, and I have sympathy for all (and empathy for a few) but however we get back on track, and whomever we ask for help, what was important for me and what I want to impart to you is to look past our traditional ideas of beauty, of "cool", of controlling our bodies (if we can control nothing else) and to instead look to find the meaning of life and one's happiness in it, as it is our right to do. For me, happiness lies in love, laughter, family, friends, giving back, GOTCHA jokes and many glorious shampoos for ALL MY HAIR :)!
I intend to dedicate a significant part of my life (in whatever way I can) helping women find their way back to happier roads, and however one gets there, the moral of my story is that YOU CAN, YOU CAN overcome anything!
Friday, June 5, 2009
If He Looks Like a Stripper, Talks Like a Stripper and Smells Like a Stripper....
.....Then chances are, "It isn't Halloween honey; and he is a stripper!" And that is exactly what my uncle said when I told him what I am about to tell you......
Okay, so lets face it.....I can be naive. Not the kind of naive where I actually believe "he" wants to unbutton your blouse to get a better view of your heart, that's just silly, but the kind that highlights the fact that I do like to believe the good in people and take what they say as the truth. Well yadda yadda ya know, in this case it was all lies. "No whammies no whammies no whammies..STOP." And go figure, I still got a big whammy!
Before the one and only wonderful JC came into my life, Little Red Riding Hood had a Big Bad Wolf in her fairytale. So let's make this quick because it is so damn embarrassing. I was reunited with a "guy friend" from many years ago, thanks to Facebook. We were in the beginning stages of becoming re-acquainted; we had about ten years worth of catching up to do and he wanted to send pictures of himself (harmless enough right?) and of course I was curious, if nothing else, to see what he looked like. Soooo, when I hit the INBOX in my gmail, WOW, if only you could have seen my face. He sent me...ready for this...not one, but two (as if one picture wasn't enough) rather interesting pictures of himself (and I am not kidding about this next part, oh I can't believe I am even going to share this) in a GOLD SPARKLED man thong (those things should be illegal by the way unless ..well there is no unless..especially the ones with the elephant trunk; and DON'T act like you do not know what I am talking about)! But it gets better. Picture this, and if you already haven't thrown up in your mouth a little, his gold sparkled thong was accompanied by a choker. I mean - 1.) what goes through your head picking out that outfit, and 2.) is that actually your lead in to a gal you haven't seen for 10 years? Is he thinking somehow that "Oh, this choker will go with my Bedazzle sparkle man thong!" Good luck buddy! The last and only time I saw an outfit like that was in "Priscilla Queen of the Desert."
He never actually mentioned that he was a stripper, but outside of the mini champagne grape smuggler there were a few other clues as I recall. He has shaved down so that he has less hair than Mr Bigglesworth in "Austin Powers," and he would prance around presumably "practicing" with a fake badge and saying outlandish things like "Freeze! You are under arrest!". On second thought perhaps I SHOULD have seen the signs, I was always wondering why he would pelvic thrust at random objects, like chairs, when he was walking around in his room. I always just thought he was trying to stretch his legs to get some fresh air down there. Silly me!
It certainly was not Halloween.
Okay, so lets face it.....I can be naive. Not the kind of naive where I actually believe "he" wants to unbutton your blouse to get a better view of your heart, that's just silly, but the kind that highlights the fact that I do like to believe the good in people and take what they say as the truth. Well yadda yadda ya know, in this case it was all lies. "No whammies no whammies no whammies..STOP." And go figure, I still got a big whammy!
Before the one and only wonderful JC came into my life, Little Red Riding Hood had a Big Bad Wolf in her fairytale. So let's make this quick because it is so damn embarrassing. I was reunited with a "guy friend" from many years ago, thanks to Facebook. We were in the beginning stages of becoming re-acquainted; we had about ten years worth of catching up to do and he wanted to send pictures of himself (harmless enough right?) and of course I was curious, if nothing else, to see what he looked like. Soooo, when I hit the INBOX in my gmail, WOW, if only you could have seen my face. He sent me...ready for this...not one, but two (as if one picture wasn't enough) rather interesting pictures of himself (and I am not kidding about this next part, oh I can't believe I am even going to share this) in a GOLD SPARKLED man thong (those things should be illegal by the way unless ..well there is no unless..especially the ones with the elephant trunk; and DON'T act like you do not know what I am talking about)! But it gets better. Picture this, and if you already haven't thrown up in your mouth a little, his gold sparkled thong was accompanied by a choker. I mean - 1.) what goes through your head picking out that outfit, and 2.) is that actually your lead in to a gal you haven't seen for 10 years? Is he thinking somehow that "Oh, this choker will go with my Bedazzle sparkle man thong!" Good luck buddy! The last and only time I saw an outfit like that was in "Priscilla Queen of the Desert."
He never actually mentioned that he was a stripper, but outside of the mini champagne grape smuggler there were a few other clues as I recall. He has shaved down so that he has less hair than Mr Bigglesworth in "Austin Powers," and he would prance around presumably "practicing" with a fake badge and saying outlandish things like "Freeze! You are under arrest!". On second thought perhaps I SHOULD have seen the signs, I was always wondering why he would pelvic thrust at random objects, like chairs, when he was walking around in his room. I always just thought he was trying to stretch his legs to get some fresh air down there. Silly me!
It certainly was not Halloween.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Getting Inked
It is that time again (insert funny joke here), to get INKED! I am thinking about my next tattoo which I want to get by August. I was going to either go with, "Suivre Votre Coeur," (French) means follow your heart or the tattoo you see above. The one above in Latin translates to; flies with own wings, and I am getting there Ladies and Gentlemen. This is a very important tattoo, why?! Well, because it is my second to last one. I am hoping I will somehow convince Mr Conversative (AKA JC) to get inked with me...that, my friends, is very wishful thinking.
I know, I know.......the tough decisions I have to make.
I know, I know.......the tough decisions I have to make.
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